• Victor Schukov

Sunday, November 30, 2008

One day we'll be nothing but small chips

posted by Victor Schukov at 9h44

I am a techno-spaz from the old school of users who log off computers by pulling the power cord out of the wall.

And when some shocked passer-by screams, “You’re going to burn out the computer!” I reply, “When?”

I do not own a cell phone, although I pay for three in the family. I guess that makes me a server.

Anyway, I just read where in Japan more than 50 million clients already use cell phones as wallets, virtual credit cards collecting points and promotional prizes. And guys, you can now watch live football games on your phone.

The next generation of cell phone will do everything but flush the toilet. We will soon have the technology to implant cell phone chips into our skulls thus accomplishing two significant things: The elimination of cumbersome manual phones, and the blurring of the line between people talking to someone from a lobe phone and lunatics channelling Napoleon.

Hyper-technology is all about taking something cumbersome, like a phone or a computer or an effort, and making it as small as possible. Once they implant a chip in your head, once they hook your neurons to the silicone, your thoughts will be capable of being sent to some intended cranium. What will be the send button, your nose? How do you dial a number in your head, tap your teeth in a special sequence? Or maybe we’ll just tape a small key pad to your forehead.

But what about hackers? Some miscreants will invariably want to tap into what you are thinking, unawares to you.

And what if they plant a virus, something that forces you to quack like a duck or chase your own ass around a tree until you turn into porridge? Or someone decides to take over the world literally by mind control? We will sleepwalk and find ourselves standing in our pajamas in front of some Svengali’s balcony, waiting for further instructions.

Why bother leaving your house when you can all-mentally do your job, pay the bills, socialize with your friends and shop?

Soon we will all stay home, sending and receiving. In a million years, we will have “evolved” into microscopic chips with a bit of skin wrapped around it, wondering who the hell is taking out the garbage this week.

By then, why bother even going through the effort of using your brain? And by then, dogs and cats will be smarter than us, walking on their hind legs and carrying their groceries because they weren’t so lazy as to shluff off their mortal coils.

Maybe that’s how the apes got so smart in Planet of the Apes.