• Parenting

Monday, October 13, 2008

Knowing they all do it doesn't make it easier

posted by drouse at 0h05

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Reminders how to clean your room (Dawn Rouse)

My kid is no more exceptional than yours. She is no smarter or funnier or more attractive. She is, in every way, a typical kid.

Particularly when it comes to picking up after herself. After speaking with lots of other parents, I know that they all struggle with this. All one has to do is mention the "trail of stuff" that is left behind by a school age kid and nods of agreement are rapidly in evidence.

Now, truth be told, I am not a particularly "neat" person.  I am a bit of a hoarder, and saver. While there is an organizational structure within the piles of books around my bed, it nonetheless drives my husband CRAZY to see them. Like this man has actually walked into our bedroom while on the phone with a client and swiffered the cobwebs ( that I don't see) out of corners of the room - all while discussing details of grants and projects.

Given this parentage, I guess it was a fair half and half chance of Emily developing one of our cleaning styles. To her father's everlasting horror, she adopted mine. 

This past week has seemed particualrly challenging. I'm not sure if it is her age, or a general need to argue, but EVERY LITTLE THING has been a monumental battle. A simple "Have you brushed your teeth yet?" can lead to running around the house and crying. I had to sneak up on her on Thursday morning and put lotion on her face - AFTER she had told me that she had put on lotion. In her world view, waving her hands which "may" have some lotion on them in front of her face counts as "lotioning".

By Friday, Terrance and I were defeated. After claims of not having any school pants, not having any clean underwear (both of which were refuted upon opening the drawers where these things DID NOT BELONG and finding copious amount of clean available clothing), an episode of her running out of my bedroom in a dead run crying after I had combed and braided her hair, a fifth reminder that she MUST FLUSH THE TOILET after using it....sigh. We were just beat.

Terrance turned to me. "What do we do?", he pleaded.

"I don't know - I have about the same amount of parenting expereince as you...", I responded.

"Yeah, but your a Teacher - you have more experience."

And I thought about that. What Would I do as Teacher Dawn? 

Clarify expectations. Make sure the expectations are clear and easily identifiable. Give her visual cues to refer to. Remove the battle from a set of verbal reminders to visual remiders.  

This morning, I gave her two lists. One for her room.  One for the bathroom.

Early results are good. 

The room is remarkably clean. The toilet was flushed and the wet towels hung on the rack to dry. I may be too optimistic...but anything is worth a try.